Publisher: Monroville August 15, 2022
**Close Encounters of the Turd Kind** **SPOILERS** I remember watching this on a Saturday night on Galaxy Theater was I was a wee lad of 9 back in the late 1970's. All I remembered was that it was boring, but memorably weird - 3 shafts of vertical, pulsing light and people flying up into the rainbow air. For the longest time, that is all I had of this movie.. until Garage House Pictures released this on blu-ray. The premise is, dare I say, excellent in it's simplicity. A married couple governing over a lighthouse on a bleak island, without any forestation short of the barest bit of shubbery, are soon terrorized by a chrome UFOe after hearing a distant explosion. The husband is curious, while the wife is short of terrified. As they leave to investigate, the wife smuggles a gun.. just in case. Unfortunately for them, it will be of no use for what awaits them. Out of the ocean, 2 scuba divers are looking for the wreckage of an F-16 taken down by unknown (to them) circumstances. They arrive on the island to find the wife with multiple burns all over her body, and the burned remains of what is left of her husband. As they consider their options, a vertical beam of light momentarily appears, traveling before them before disappearing into the night. To their credit, they immediately decide to leave the island. Unfortunately, something else wants them to stay. The UFOe lifts them up into the air from their raft, flinging them back into the ocean. As they wash up on shore, one of them has a mind bending encounter with what may be the inhabitants of the UFOe. Okay.... time for the review. This film.. frustrates me. A LOT. I would give the premise a solid 8 or even 9, but the execution is more near a 4. The acting is boring.. nay, not even acting. No normal reactions one would expect from human beings seeing a UFOe for the first time, much less the interactions between the husband and wife (and later the 2 scuba friends) would put wood to shame. Not even in a 72 minute runtime can the director coax a mediocre performance from anyone, much less himself (as he plays one of the scuba friends), which hurts the movie tremendously. If you have a simple story with few characters, you _have_ to have characters we can care about and attach to, and **FOES** completely drops the ball in this regard. While some praise the music, I feel quite the opposite. It sounds random and droning, sucking more life out of the movie as opposed to adding to it. The music neither has any thematic elements, nor enhances the mood of the scenes. On a positive note, the FX, albeit low budget even for 70's standards, are quite excellent, especially if you dig low-budget 70's sci-fi. If you can imagine yourself being a 9 year old kid on a 70's Saturday night, you might find some enjoyment in this, as it does leave a semi-lasting impression. Otherwise, it would be best to close this encounter and travel elsewhere for your spooks. The blu-ray's picture quality is a bit grainy, but it is what you would expect from a low budget 70's film (screen captures are included on this page). It also includes a director's commentary, 2 cuts of the film (the director's cut at 72:48, and the theatrical cut at 90:13), the UK theatrical trailer, the director's "Tales of L.A." short film, a photo gallery and trailers for other Garage House releases.